Why I'm Doing This
In many ways, I am a very fortunate person.
I am married to an angel, a woman possessing such uncommon intelligence, beauty (both inner and outer), grace, depth, strength, and ability to love that my cup runneth over. She has taught me a whole other way of living, of viewing life, and helped me to discover a reservoir of inner strength I had no idea existed.
I am stepfather to two fine young men who have both, in their own ways, helped strengthen my patience, reshuffle my priorities (for the better), develop my humility, my senses of wonder, humor, trust, and adventure, and forever altered (again, for the better) my role in life. I suspect they have had a greater, more positive impact on my life - and my outlook on life - than I have had on theirs. Moving them from rural Ohio to metropolitan Central Texas at a highly critical age was pretty intense, in retrospect. How that will ultimately affect them is still a developing question. I hope, in the long run, it will be a positive thing for them both.
I was overdue for a life lesson and the boys were an integral part of this phase of my maturing.
I enjoy what I do for a living, though the circumstances under which I "do" it have caused a great deal of stress, anguish, and - for lack of a better word - "concern." Those concerns need to be addressed and I'm currently at a loss on how to proceed(see below reference to "acceptance").
I believe I possess an acceptable level of sanity, though - like a lot of people - I see around me a world seemingly gone insane and either unaware of the depth of its madness or unwilling to acknowledge it . This causes spiritual/ethical/moral reflection that, sadly, leads to conclusions that generate more questions than answers (and even more stress). At times, my brain can't hear my soul and vice versa, due to the conflicts I witness externally and feel internally, not to mention the extraneous noise that accompanies life in the early 21st century.
So, for an otherwise fortunate person, I feel an enormous amount of stress, conflict, and spiritual disconnect. At age 48, I expected to be on more solid ground as a human being than I am. I'm not teetering on the edge, nor can I see the edge from where I am (at least, I don't THINK I can...I may not be looking in the right direction). But, my "level of discomfort" with my inner workings (which directly affects my ability to deal with my outer workings) is in need of some maintenance, if not retooling.
A "reboot," if you will.
One of my oldest, closest friends and "advisors" once told me that "God speaks to us in silence." So, after a brief interlude visiting family in the Bay Area, and a few days in Wine Country (I am a wine snob), I'm seeking that silence, and with it, some eye-candy...in the form of stunning natural scenery. And while it may seem contradictory to establish and feed a blog during this journey, my primary intent is to listen...to the silence, to nature, to myself, to my body (I am pushing 50, after all), and to anyone with whom I happen to strike up a conversation along the way.
The entire northern California and SW Oregon coasts, Upper and Lower Rogue River valleys, Crater Lake/Ashland area, Whiskeytown/Trinity Alps/Shasta National Forest area, Lassen Volcanic National Park, and Feather Rivers area will be my sanctuary, my "fortress of solitude."
I hope to return the same person, but different. I don't expect to discover all the answers (though I suspect I'll settle on a few), but I hope to hone my questions and better understand what causes me to ask them (and discard a few that, because they are unanswerable, simply need to be retired). Perhaps most of all, I hope to regain a certain "mastery" I once possessed of the art of acceptance
If for no other reason, I do this because I am fortunate enough - no, BLESSED - to be married to an awe-inspiring woman and mother. She deserves better than I currently "am." I don't expect to be awe-inspiring when I return, but I hope to at least be inspired to be a better husband, friend, partner, and human being (and wine snob).
The stage is set. The reservations made. The bags are being packed. California, here I come.
Stick out.
I am married to an angel, a woman possessing such uncommon intelligence, beauty (both inner and outer), grace, depth, strength, and ability to love that my cup runneth over. She has taught me a whole other way of living, of viewing life, and helped me to discover a reservoir of inner strength I had no idea existed.
I am stepfather to two fine young men who have both, in their own ways, helped strengthen my patience, reshuffle my priorities (for the better), develop my humility, my senses of wonder, humor, trust, and adventure, and forever altered (again, for the better) my role in life. I suspect they have had a greater, more positive impact on my life - and my outlook on life - than I have had on theirs. Moving them from rural Ohio to metropolitan Central Texas at a highly critical age was pretty intense, in retrospect. How that will ultimately affect them is still a developing question. I hope, in the long run, it will be a positive thing for them both.
I was overdue for a life lesson and the boys were an integral part of this phase of my maturing.
I enjoy what I do for a living, though the circumstances under which I "do" it have caused a great deal of stress, anguish, and - for lack of a better word - "concern." Those concerns need to be addressed and I'm currently at a loss on how to proceed(see below reference to "acceptance").
I believe I possess an acceptable level of sanity, though - like a lot of people - I see around me a world seemingly gone insane and either unaware of the depth of its madness or unwilling to acknowledge it . This causes spiritual/ethical/moral reflection that, sadly, leads to conclusions that generate more questions than answers (and even more stress). At times, my brain can't hear my soul and vice versa, due to the conflicts I witness externally and feel internally, not to mention the extraneous noise that accompanies life in the early 21st century.
So, for an otherwise fortunate person, I feel an enormous amount of stress, conflict, and spiritual disconnect. At age 48, I expected to be on more solid ground as a human being than I am. I'm not teetering on the edge, nor can I see the edge from where I am (at least, I don't THINK I can...I may not be looking in the right direction). But, my "level of discomfort" with my inner workings (which directly affects my ability to deal with my outer workings) is in need of some maintenance, if not retooling.
A "reboot," if you will.
One of my oldest, closest friends and "advisors" once told me that "God speaks to us in silence." So, after a brief interlude visiting family in the Bay Area, and a few days in Wine Country (I am a wine snob), I'm seeking that silence, and with it, some eye-candy...in the form of stunning natural scenery. And while it may seem contradictory to establish and feed a blog during this journey, my primary intent is to listen...to the silence, to nature, to myself, to my body (I am pushing 50, after all), and to anyone with whom I happen to strike up a conversation along the way.
The entire northern California and SW Oregon coasts, Upper and Lower Rogue River valleys, Crater Lake/Ashland area, Whiskeytown/Trinity Alps/Shasta National Forest area, Lassen Volcanic National Park, and Feather Rivers area will be my sanctuary, my "fortress of solitude."
I hope to return the same person, but different. I don't expect to discover all the answers (though I suspect I'll settle on a few), but I hope to hone my questions and better understand what causes me to ask them (and discard a few that, because they are unanswerable, simply need to be retired). Perhaps most of all, I hope to regain a certain "mastery" I once possessed of the art of acceptance
If for no other reason, I do this because I am fortunate enough - no, BLESSED - to be married to an awe-inspiring woman and mother. She deserves better than I currently "am." I don't expect to be awe-inspiring when I return, but I hope to at least be inspired to be a better husband, friend, partner, and human being (and wine snob).
The stage is set. The reservations made. The bags are being packed. California, here I come.
Stick out.
posted by The Amazing Stickman at 6:13 AM
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